Rewarding myself and reintroducing a familiar coping skill after a panic attack There are a few different kinds of dissociative disorders and mental illnesses that have dissociative features. Due to abuse & other issues in my life, I’ve experienced dissociation for as long as I can remember. This is a quick story about a recent panic attack I had in the middle of the night. I hadn’t had one like this in years. I was home alone, and it caught... Read more
All Voices Count in the Muslim Mental Health Movement “Your lived experience is needed.” This is part of a quote tweeted by the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance. It was the first thing I saw the other day when I logged onto my social media account. I’d gone looking for inspiration during a particularly challenging mental health episode. I was experiencing symptoms related to my mental illnesses and couldn’t shake the negative feelings associated with my anxiety and OCD diagnoses.... Read more
What messages bombard you daily? Are you even aware of the subliminal programming that shapes your thoughts, actions, and beliefs? Do you think you’re immune to outside influences or do you recognize your weaker points and Achilles heels in the media blitz of things? I know for me, when I see an ad for something savory on tv or online, I’ve already decided how and when this item will become a part of my life; usually by lunchtime. I’m impulsive... Read more
The conversation around mental health in the Muslim community has come a long way from when I first received my diagnosis. No longer are people questioning my need to take mood stabilizers and the like. Some people from my community even help me remember to take my medicine on time or when I exhibit symptoms. I now feel comfortable sharing humorous stories about some of my episodes. And I don’t often hear criticisms about what is assumed to be Western... Read more
“I have to get all the termites off me!” I screamed wildly to my landlady when she came to check on me in the shower. I was scrubbing various body parts with a scrub brush, soap, bleach and peroxide. I had been in my bathroom for at least an hour, furiously attacking invisible bugs trying to worm their way into my body. I’d used the shower upstairs for 30 minutes prior to this. Looking back, I remember having fits in... Read more
WORLD BIPOLAR DAY I had my first bipolar breakdown in the classroom where I was teaching in College Park, Maryland. I knew something was wrong, when I found myself screaming at the top of my lungs in the classroom again. I saw the tiny faces of my students staring back at me, full of bewilderment, and I was crushed. I’d done it again. I decided to change the subject and get myself together. We started discussing with their parents did... Read more
Learning to cope with loss while living with multiple mental health conditions TW//Suicidality, Substance use disorder. Substance misuse mention. Death. I recently learned that my mom’s friend passed away from cancer. This was someone that both of my parents have known since before I was born. She was a lifelong member of my aunt’s church and one of her closest confidants. Though we weren’t intimately connected ourselves, I considered her a dear family friend. Whenever someone dies, especially from the... Read more
My first bout with suicidal feelings was in high school. I remember sitting in my dark basement one night and wishing I could suddenly disappear forever. I was afraid to take my own life though, because my dad had always taught me that a person of faith didn’t have the right to place themselves in the Creator’s position and choose life or death. Yet I desperately wanted to die. My soul was in complete agony. I couldn’t see a way... Read more
On life with a taboo illness Suicide Prevention Month is almost at a close. I wanted to talk about how this month and this issue has impacted me to highlight the challenges of living with mental illness in a highly stigmatized community. Suicide is a taboo subject amongst Muslims. If you mention the topic of suicide to many, the response is often the same. “Suicide is haram (forbidden).” And the conversation ends there. Some may go further and share a... Read more
I am the granddaughter of a southern Methodist minister. I used to love traveling down to Augusta, Georgia with my family in the summer to hear my grandfather preach in his small church when I was younger. My mom used to keep audio files of his sermons in a box on a shelf in our family room at home. We’d listen to his fiery lectures and I’d take in his passion and love for the lord even as a child;... Read more
The Muslim Hippie
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