I’m admitting to myself I have a real problem with food. I’ve been on a binge cycle for a while now. I’m not sure what triggered it this time. But I think it’s a combination of things. I’m under a lot of stress in my personal life, and in the wake of everything that’s happening in our country. I’m also on a new medication for my bipolar issues. And finally, I’ve been sick most of the summer. Between constant migraines... Read more
The nature of hiding my true self I needed to be social. I needed to be the ‘me’ that’s acceptable in the company of others. I did want to go out as the real me. To interact with people in a genuine fashion for a change. But now that I’m home, away from all the noise… I’m realizing I wore my mask again today. It’s the one that hides how I feel from others. The one that smiles when I... Read more
Recently I tweeted about a nurse who helped me start a dialogue with myself about the origins of my low self-worth, and why I was so prone to self-harm and suicidal ideation. My self-esteem has been up and down my entire life, though I didn’t realize it until recently. Often people will tell you to not take stock in what other’s think of you, and if you’re religious, to only care what God thinks. But that’s such a challenge when... Read more
I’ll admit, my first response was to panic when I saw the news about Charlottesville. I almost let fear and paranoia completely take over my life in an unhealthy way. Thankfully I caught the errant thought processes and started an immediate routine of emergency self-care. I made sure I was eating and taking my medication properly. I’m also trying to get into a regular sleep pattern. But I’m letting myself off the hook for almost allowing my illness take over.... Read more
The hospital is the great equalizer I always say I happened into writing about mental health because of my own story, and then my advocacy ideas came about later. I often gloss over the first part, because to me it’s the least interesting chapter of how I got to where I am in my life. But I realized something recently when I was processing some feedback from one of my readers. By not telling the story fully, I’ve missed details... Read more
After my latest bipolar episode, my bedroom looked like a complete disaster. Things were everywhere, and in places they had no business being. Clothes, food, my pills… you name it. That there was a breast pump anywhere on the premises (and in one of the pics below) is ludicrous. My kids are all teenagers now. So things were strange and it was terrible. I ‘woke up’ after feeling better and was devastated. But instead of getting upset with myself, I... Read more
I have an unusual relationship with all my Muslim communities, save one. That particular communities’ Imam takes care of me and my family, and supports me as an African American Muslimah living with mental illness mA. He’s told me repeatedly over the years to come join his community. He even said I should explain my mental illness to the tight knit group of sisters there, so we wouldn’t have any personal issues because of my health. And that if there... Read more
I always hear that suicide is haram and that someone who dies by suicide will be forever punished for this act. In fact, I’ve been lectured about this on numerous occasions. This statement of fact is where the discussion usually ends; in my experience, anyway. And though I can recall lectures, khutbahs, and khatirahs explaining why suicide is forbidden, I’ve not heard any discussion on how to avoid this as a Muslim living with mental illness. For someone like me,... Read more
We’re halfway through Ramadan mashaAllah. I’m both happy to be able to gain some benefit from the month, despite my illness, yet sad at how fast it’s passing. This year it has been a major challenge for me to stay connected with activities that will enhance my faith and keep me close to my community. For some reason I’ve been having a lot of trouble keeping my bipolar and anxiety symptoms under control. This has dramatically impacted how I’m observing... Read more
A few days ago I decided to take a good look at my mental and emotional health. I’ve been in an up and down spiral with my mental illnesses and I knew part of the problem was in how I looked after myself in general. Spiritually, physically and emotionally, I just haven’t been attending to myself in a way that I’m pleased with and I began by making a list pertaining to Ramadan and how I want to observe this... Read more
The Muslim Hippie
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