Slaying Dragons and Eating Peas

What my nine-year-old son hears:

I’m going to be gone for about a week…so you’re the man on the house, Son. You’re the one to slay the Kraken if he’s released in our neighborhood. You’d better sharpen all your weapons, lay them out on your bed, and be ready to use them. If someone breaks into our house, you’ll need to be the one to disarm him, render him helpless, and pin him to the floor with your ever-growing biceps until the police arrive. Do all this…and you’re the one who will be crowned King of Gondor the Pipher acreage upon my homecoming. So rise to the occasion, my man!

What I actually say:

I’m going to be gone for about a week…so you’re the man on the house, Son. You’re going to need to keep your room clean, eat your vegetables, and do all your school work without complaining. I want you to help feed the chickens and the dog every day. And if Mom buys groceries, I want you to race out and offer to help carry them into the house. If your sisters have a hard time going to sleep at night, I want you to offer to pray with them. Do all this…and I’ll bring you a gift back from Oregon. So rise to the occasion, my man!

I can’t bring myself to correct him. We’re basically saying/hearing the same thing anyway. In my opinion, we tend to make way too much of the difference between dragons and peas these days.

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