How Does Natural Family Planning Work For Catholic Marriage?

Natural Family Planning-NFP- Catholic Teaching On Birth Control

I first learned about the Catholic teaching on birth control while still in high school. They taught us about temperature changes around ovulation, and cervical mucus symptoms of fertility. We were taught all this as teenagers, to prepare for marriage and prudent family planning later on.

This Natural Family Planning Method is very healthy and goes with our female bodies, the way that God created them. It is based on Humanae Vitae/On the Regulation of Birth, published in 1968 by Pope Paul VI. We were taught in the class that there may be about a week in every month when we could get pregnant, unless we abstained from sex. We learned that this Method required discipline, through good record-keeping and charting.

I appreciated that there was a way to be in tune with our Catholic Faith instead of using artificial contraception. This gave me peace. I liked that as a couple, my husband, Rich, and I could be open to life, as our financial and other life circumstances permitted. We could plan child by child. I was not harming my reproductive system in any way. I was not having to take the Pill, with its corresponding symptoms of nausea and weight gain. I was not risking condom-breakage and all that anxiety. I got to know my body very well, and my husband participated with me in family planning, which was also a benefit. So many terrific assets to this Program!

Also liabilities…

NFP-Excruciating Challenges

As soon as we got married, and we discovered that I was an extremely fertile woman – (I apologize for the TMI)– the ease we expected from practicing NFP disappeared. My body remained ripe for childbearing, for the better part of half a month! Our wedding was one year prior to me finishing college, and I was determined to get my degree, so being careful was extra brutal to our new marriage.

As much as I believe in the Catholic Teaching of NFP, I also believe that couples need frequent reunions for their relationship! Reunions which don’t result in a child in 9 months, especially if you are still a college student! Our newlywed year was NOT peaceful.

My husband, frustrated with the lack of spontaneity in our intimate life, coined the hilarious phrase – “NFP means Not For Pleasure.” He threw our NFP chart up in the air and bellowed, “Why does it have to be so CLINICAL?!”

Yes, thank God, I did finish my degree. My husband is nothing short of a champion. He has always been super supportive of my education and career paths–  in this case, to his own/our own detriment!

Hubby Deploys to the Gulf War

After our first year of marriage, Rich, a Navy Nurse Corps Officer, got called up to the hospital ship, Comfort, to care for any casualties of Operation Desert Shield/Desert Storm. He was gone for seven months.

I’ll never forget that phone call, “Your loved one is back home. Come to Bethesda Naval Hospital (Now Walter Reed) and pick him up!” I smiled through my happy tears. We were both so grateful he was okay, as a scud missile had been headed for the ship and was intercepted! All on board were fine. Praise God!

He came home with two whole weeks off for R and R. We hugged and squeezed each other endlessly. We wanted romance!

He proclaimed, “Alright, I don’t care what phase [fertile/infertile] of NFP we are in. I’m not getting any younger. Let’s have a kid! I think two or three of them seems like enough.”

Our firstborn, Michelle, (Shelley), is a 1992 Gulf War Baby. They are all over the country. Those service men and women’s R and R was fruitful. 

NFP Between Babies

Our Catholic Method of Family Planning worked beautifully for spacing our babies. We spaced them 3  3/4 years apart. Our preschoolers always helped with the new baby.

Rich’s Health Goes South/Poverty

As a naval officer, Rich was asked to endure some combat training. He had just been diagnosed with Degenerative Joint Disease of the Hips, and could not even assume the crouching positions required. He had been in a lot of pain prior to his diagnosis, and thus began gaining tons of weight. He had to be medically discharged from the Navy. We lost our free medical, free dental, and housing allowance. He tried to find non-physical nursing jobs in the private sector –nightshift phone triage nursing. Nevertheless, the pay was too low. First-world poverty ensued, for our family.

I tried to help financially with my teaching jobs. He was a hero, working graveyard shift. No way were we going to bring in another child at this point –our house was in pre-foreclosure, and we could barely afford groceries. Needless to say, our practice of NFP was strict, and unavoidably, non-unifying for the marriage.

As they say, “Love is a decision.” We had to love each other in other ways until things improved financially for us.

Miscarriage

One evening we were not strict enough-we chose to be together, no matter what! And Julianne was conceived, baby #4. God loves to create! He also loves to somehow provide! He isn’t the God of the Impossible for nothing!

Julianne’s heart stopped beating at four months old in utero. I remember joking with my midwife, when she abruptly stopped chuckling and got really quiet. “Theresa, I’m so sorry. There’s no heartbeat.” Sadness enveloped the room. I got my stuff and trudged out, head hanging, lip quivering, just feeling so empty and dejected.

Tears streamed down Rich’s face when I told him the terrible news. The miscarriage happened at home, so we were able to Baptize and bury the little person. I’ll never forget her adorable, tiny form and her closed, dark blue eyes. Her little elbows and leggies were charming.  Our other girls were able to say goodbye to her.

I know I will meet Julianne in Heaven someday. How cool is that?!

Conclusion –NFP Works –Not Easy, But Still a Great Method

I thoroughly believe in our Catholic Teaching of Natural Family Planning. We are working with our reproductive system, not against it. It is so healthy for a woman’s body, and creates more communication between spouses.

I will also say that as effective as it is, it will never be a cakewalk. Many huge decisions must be made by the couple every single month, regarding their future children. It is heavy. There is nothing remotely fun about abstaining.

At my age now, I am really glad I practiced this Method. My reproductive system is healthy. I respect my husband for all of his efforts on my behalf. I will never forget his self-sacrifice, when the stakes were high, and the timing wasn’t right for me to endure pregnancy and childbirth.

We are so grateful for the children God gave to us. They are our best friends today!