I was deeply touched by Steve Blow’s column today in the Dallas Morning News. He speaks compassionately of the successes and pressures of Skip Ryan, former senior pastor at Park Cities Presbyterian Church, his abrupt resignation in 2006, his challenging path into and away from prescription drug abuse, and his restoration to the pulpit.
So few really understand how very human pastors are, that our temptations are the same as anyone else’s, and that our opportunities for periodic refreshment and times of healing and regaining balance are generally fewer. And almost all is done with critical eyes upon us.
I think this is why Blow’s column touched me so. It was infused with grace and understanding, and awareness of the holy second chances that the gospel gives us.
Last fall, aware of my growing exhaustion, increasing health concerns, lack of family time, and need to have to time to write with more concentration, my church voted to give me a three month Sabbatical, starting May 1 of this spring. I chose that time because generally those three months are the least busy of the year, although I will still miss very important days in the life of the church.
I had understood, until this week, that the church was solidly behind this need to get away and are preparing to even more fully be the church in my absence.
I have served here for six years now. I have never come close to taking all my vacation or study days away. The only year I even approached it was the year my mother died–and that was the year I had done eleven funerals for beloved church members as well. I spent three weeks out of the pulpit, caring for my mother in her home and offering her a loving, holy death. My retired-clergy husband picked up the slack at no expense to the church. A few months later, I took a two week study leave to plan upcoming sermon series and work on a book and arranged for wonderful pulpit supply in my absence. There was no vacation that year.
In all my six years here, unless I was actually out of town, I have never had two days off in a row. There have been extended periods without a single day off–sometimes lasting as long as six weeks.
No one wants that for me, but each person with a need for pastoral care or presence is not asking “Did she get her days off?” Instead, they are asking, and rightly so, “Can you come?” And no matter what else takes place during a week, Sunday messages must be researched and prepared, worship planned, articles written, Conference responsibilities fulfilled, and administrative matters dealt with properly and in a timely manner.
I’m not complaining. I am called to this. I do have the grace of a flexible schedule, and that helps a great deal. I do not have young children at home needing attention and also have an exceedingly supportive husband.
Nonetheless, I am very much worn out and my health is suffering.
However, I understand now that some people are questioning my sabbatical plans, concerned that I will not be working hard enough during that time and taking too much of it just to rest and be with my family. My family: three delightful grown sons, three spectacular daughters-in-law, four and 3/4 grandchildren, all living far, far from here and whom I see once a year, if I’m lucky.
Remember: no three day weekends for clergy, no relaxing extended breaks like Christmas and Easter because we work all those normal family holidays. I possess insufficient funds, not to mention time, to take quick two or three day trips across the country during the week, when they couldn’t see me anyway. Trips to England, where one son lives with his family, can’t be done quickly anyway.
The concerned ones are probably few. Their voices and concerns need to be heard by holy and loving ears. But I admit I am stunned and frustrated right now.
I’ll get past it. In the meantime, Steve Blow’s column was a balm to my tired soul. He gets it.
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