Family Matters: A Colossian Guide

Who hasn’t seen the family of 4 at a restaurant? 2 siblings fight each other over something so trivial that only a child can imagine the seriousness of its offense. The parents bicker back and forth over something else. And meanwhile the visitors simply try to enjoy their meal.

We’ve seen the sting of divorce. The sting of abuse (emotional, physical, and mental) in relationships runs rampant. Abandonment, cheating, and avoiding responsibility is all too common. Dysfunctionality has become commonplace in the home. What has happened to “The Family?”

My Family Wasn’t Perfect… But

My parents divorced when I was about 4. I remember the details. I remember hearing both sides of the story. And every once and a while I’ll recount memories from my childhood to my wife (whose parents are going on being married for a long time) and she is shocked. Don’t get me wrong. My childhood wasn’t particularly rough. I was blessed to have divorced parents who didn’t put me in the middle of it and I had 3 square meals a day. I had a routine of when I was at both homes. And my parents did their best to work as a team.

And yet… I knew It wasn’t supposed to be this way. God cares about the family unit. And He has a design in mind for the family unit. His wisdom is what the families of the world need. And it was His wisdom that turned families upside-down a long time ago. Perhaps it’s time for His wisdom to engage in a culture shock once more.

Roman Barbarism

Don’t get me wrong. Hollywood isn’t necessarily the most accurate. I know. SHOCKER!

Thanks to our movie makers, one would think that the Romans were nothing a but a decadent cesspool of sexual pleasure, hedonism, and power grabbing. While this isn’t it the full story, there were definitely a few areas of the Roman world that were particularly odd and concerning.

One of these areas of life is: The Family.

First, there was a major double standard when it came to the man and the woman in the relationship. Women were meant to be honorable, chaste, and submissive to their husbands. They were not to sleep with anyone outside of their marriage beds. Men on the other hand, while not able to sleep with freedwomen and women of an upper social class, were able sleep with prostitutes and slave women in order to, let’s say, blow off some steam. In fact, in their mind, this was equivalent to being faithful to their wives since these people were viewed as less than fully human in the wider culture.

Children, if they were accepted by their fathers upon their birth and not subject to exposure, would be subject to the practice of pederasty. Older aristocratic men would take on young boys from the ages of 12-18. Imagine if this was still the view today! Christians would later create a Greek term “paiderastia” in reference to this practice.

It certainly was a different time in the world of Rome. And the family was the center of it.

The Christian Reset

Something that set Christianity apart was the it was the only religion outside of Judaism that sought to influence the actions of its adherents outside the bounds of its temples. It wasn’t all about cult practices, sacrifices, and garments to wear at functions. But it sought to change the psyche of the individual, changing the desires and actions of the human person.

Orthodoxy would lead to Orthopraxy.

This is not only reflected in the many exhortations in Paul, James, Peter, and John’s letters (as well as the Apostolic Fathers) but is also seen in the household codes within Christian writings at the time.

It truly was a reset. Let’s take a look at a couple of common ones.

Colossians 3: 18- 4:1

“Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.

Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.

Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.

Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything; and do it, not only when their eye is on you and to curry their favor, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the Lord. Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. Anyone who does wrong will be repaid for their wrongs, and there is no favoritism. Masters, provide your slaves with what is right and fair, because you know that you also have a Master in heaven. ”

Who Is Addressed: Husbands and Wives

First the Husband: The husband should love his wife and to not be harsh to them. However, this isn’t all that is expected. In 1 Corinthians 7, we see a shift in the sexual expectations. A man is to have sexual relations with his own wife. Period.

And a woman her husband (1 Cor 2). Both the husband and wife submit their bodies to each other (v 3). Sexual immorality is taboo. This means that the use of prostitutes or slave girls for the pleasure of the man is no longer available. In the Roman world, this would have caused much head-scratching.

Wives: Submit yourselves to your husbands. Now, the word “submit” can also be rendered as: to resist no longer, to give way, to yield. Notice this important point. The Christian should submit to each other Christians, meaning that the submissive attitude is already in the lexicon of what it means to be a believer. (Eph 5:21). In other words, submissiveness is in the Christian DNA as we see to serve and care for one other. In this way, the wife upholds, respects, and honors her husband as she upholds, respects, and honors her peers.

Who is Addressed: Children and Slaves

Children and Slaves: First, the fact that children and slaves are mentioned shows a different view on how social order was to function. To actively give slaves and children directives as active parts of the family would be strange to first time hearers. Slaves were considered to be half human at best according to Aristotle. And we’ve already discussed the life of children briefly.

For children, they should obey their parents. In the Ephesians code (Ch 5) this command is rooted in the commandment to honor ones father and mother. And for slaves they should obey their masters.

Slaves Obey Your Master: Let’s Think About It

While we can spend much time looking at the verse and pondering why Paul doesn’t explicitly say “stop working for your masters” we should try to understand what Paul was doing and what position he is in.

It is outside of his scope to free the slaves. It is not his role to overturn Roman rule or the Roman social norms. And yet, just my mentioning slaves, he indirectly makes a huge statement to the pagans of the day. At the same time, we should understand that Christianity originally was largely popular to the lower classes: The Plebs, the women, the slaves, the children. This was a target for sophisticated pagans of the day as a point of humor in regard to the early Christian movement. See, for instance these words from Celsus: “[Christians] show they want and are able to convince only the foolish, dishonorable, and stupid, only slaves, women, and little children” (Cel 3.44).

Now, we do see Paul change the view of a slave to Philemon, a Christian slave owner. In His letter to Philemon, he charges him to take back Onesimus (a runaway slave who may have stole something) not as a slave. No. Paul charges him to take back Onesimus as a brother.

Families Should Heed These Words

There is much more to say about God’s desires for the family. The family is an integral part in His mission for the earth. His covenant in the Old Testament was given to a family. And His new covenant would form a trans-ethnic family made of people from all over the world.

In our individual families, we should seek for husbands to love their wives and to be faithful to them and them alone and serving them. Wives to submit, uphold, and honor their husbands. Children to obey and honor their parents to the best of their ability.