For years, I struggled to save my second marriage from the brink of divorce because I bought into many myths about remarriage. However, I was determined to beat the odds and avoid a second divorce so I began to explore some of the myths and unrealistic expectations that cause me to feel pessimistic and unhappy with my marriage. While many couples see remarriage as a second chance at happiness, the statistics tell a different story. According to available census data,... Read more
The teenage years can be rewarding, yet challenging for both teens and their parents. Helping your child to make a smooth transition to becoming a more independent and successful person can be complex in a divorced family. It’s important to recognize the difference between normal and problematic behavior so you can help your teenager develop coping skills, become more resilient, and to minimize any long-term negative effects from your divorce. Above all, do not put your head in the sand!... Read more
Being vulnerable means being authentic and being able to risk expressing your thoughts, feelings, and wishes. It means you are in control of yourself, not the relationship. Many people complain that they aren’t getting their needs met in an intimate relationship, but they don’t feel comfortable sharing their desires. Or, they fail to make requests in a positive, non-blameful way to begin with. Before you can begin to build successful relationships, you must have healthy self-esteem – which means believing in... Read more
While many couples see remarriage as an opportunity to start fresh start and a new chance at happiness, the statistics reveal a different story with the divorce rate for second marriages being 60-67% compared to about 50% for first marriages. Why is this so? There are many reasons and most of them involve blending people from two separate worlds and adding children to the mix. Add to this financial stress, differences in childrearing and discipline, the stepparent’s role, loyalty issues,... Read more
Since my divorce, I’ve learned a lot of lessons about marriage. I firmly believe that it is essential to examine your part in your marriage problems or divorce in order to be successful in subsequent relationships. If you don’t take the time to do this, you’ll be at risk for repeating negative patterns. In other words, making the effort to reflect on your mistakes (we all have flaws) will pay off in future relationships and make your divorce a positive... Read more
Karen, age 48, had been married to Kyle, 50, for five years when she found several letters from his former live-in girlfriend in his dresser drawer when she was putting away his clean clothes. She reflects, “I wasn’t looking for trouble but it presented itself to me and our marriage went sideways after that. I was so angry, jealous and fearful of Kyle leaving that I shut him out and wouldn’t listen to his side of the story.” One of... Read more
Dear Terry, After fourteen-years of marriage, I’m at the end of my rope. My husband, Ryan is gone a lot and even when he’s home, he’s watching sports. It seems like we have the same arguments over and over again. There’s not much joy or love left in our marriage. Mostly, we argue about our kids, Tyler, 6, and Jessica, age 3. Since Ryan gets home late from his job as a store manager, he mostly wants to play with... Read more
Karen, 35, sat on the couch near (but not close) to her boyfriend Ron, 36, and talked about her tendency to take care of Ron’s needs at her own expense. Living together for five years, she found herself doing most of the housework and chores, and then resenting it. Karen reflects, “I always wanted a healthier relationship than my parents because my mom was a doormat who took care of my dad, even when she neglected herself. But now I... Read more
Karen, 48, and Mike, 53, sat on the couch in my office and described their trust issues stemming from a challenging time in their marriage last year. During this time, Karen had been confiding with a male co-worker about their problems. When Mike found out about it from reading a text , he became angry and mistrustful of Karen. She took responsibility for her emotional infidelity and their process of healing began. Karen puts it like this, “We’re starting couples... Read more
Establishing and maintaining trust with your partner can be a huge challenge if you’re prone towards jealous feelings. There are many reasons why you might experience jealousy including past betrayals, insecurity, and fear of losing love. The first step in overcoming jealousy is self-awareness. These feelings won’t magically disappear and they can spell disaster for your intimate relationship. Jealousy is the polar opposite of trusting someone. Taking ownership of your jealous feelings will allow you to face them head... Read more
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