L.B.: Rayford Zork

There's been a lot of discussion on the Internets of Left Behind: Eternal Forces — the new video game set in the fantasy world of Tim LaHaye & Jerry B. Jenkins' best-selling apocalyptic novels (see, for example, this jhutson post at Daily Kos).

I guess I didn't expect this to be so controversial because I still remembered playing the original, text-only version of the game. I started playing on the old mainframe system — the same IBM megacomputer Edgar C. Whisenant used for the calculations he relied on for his excellent, although inexplicably out-of-print, 88 Reasons Why the Rapture Will Be in 1988 — but ultimately never completed the quest until I got a pirated floppy of the game for my Commodore 128.

If I remember correctly, it went something like this:

In front of you to the north is the door to New Hope Village Church.

>n

The door is closed.
>open door

The door opens and you see the sanctuary of New Hope Village Church to the north.
>n

You are in the sanctuary of New Hope Village Church. The Rev. Bruce Barnes is here. The BFG-9000 is here.
>get BFG-9000

You cannot carry any more.
>i

You are carrying:
A torch
A book of matches
A Bible
Change for the pay phone
Hattie Durham's lace panties
Bullets
>drop Bible

The Bible is on the floor. The Rev. Bruce Barnes is here. The BFG-9000 is here.
>get BFG-9000

You are in the sanctuary of New Hope Village Church. The Rev. Bruce Barnes is here. There is a Bible on the floor.
>s

You exit New Hope Village Church to the sidewalk. The door to New Hope Village church is to the north.
>s

You are on the street in front of New Hope Village Church. The street goes east and west.
>e

You are in Manhattan. There is an infidel here.
>Convert infidel.

The infidel does not want to be converted.
>Convert infidel.

The infidel does not want to be converted.
>Convert infidel.

The infidel does not want to be converted.
>Witness to infidel.

The infidel does not want to be converted.
>tell infidel about Hell

Such language!

You are in Manhattan. There is an infidel here.
>tell infidel about eternal suffering and gnashing of teeth in the lake of fire

The infidel does not want to be converted.
>shoot infidel

You raise the BFG-9000 and fire, raining divine judgment on the infidel in a righteous hail of molten lead. The infidel falls over, dead.

Score: 105 out of 500.

You are in Manhattan. There is a dead infidel here.
>examine dead infidel.

On the body of the dead infidel you find more change for the pay phone.
>get change.

You are in Manhattan. There is a dead infidel here.
>make phone call

You have to find a phone first!

You are in Manhattan. There is a dead infidel here.
>n