On Being A Heretic… (Crucified with Christ)

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

– Galatians 2:20

As I have reflected on this passage recently, it has begun to take on a whole new meaning. I finally feel like I am in a place where I can begin to just taste the smallest flavor of what it means to be crucified with Christ. To take up Christs’ cross. To identify with Jesus as he has identified with me.

I used to be a street preacher. Every week during my high school years I would travel down to the inner harbor of Baltimore and preach to people. I would tell them that they were sinners and were going to burn in hell if they didn’t accept Jesus. While deep down, I never really liked saying those words, I had no idea how profoundly painful they can be to the recipient. That is until I was on the receiving end of them.

Over the past few years I have had a number of encounters with fellow Christians that concluded with them telling me that I was a False Prophet, a heretic, or simply not a “true” Christian. The brothers and sisters who have said these things to me normally haven’t been angry when they pronounced this fatal judgement. Instead, they spoke with gentle sincerity. They looked at me in the eyes and told me their verdict. The verdict was that I was going to be damned to hell for eternity by the God that I have claimed to profess and follow for the last nine years of my life.

Until I found myself on the receiving end of these pronouncements, I had no idea how much such a statement shakes one to their core.

Maybe you have heard those words pronounced over you. Maybe you have been condemned and exiled from people who were supposed to be safe and were supposed to love you. And maybe they believed their condemnation was an act of love- the people who have been telling me of my unfortunate eternal fate have all been convinced that they were simply “speaking the hard truth in love.”

But it’s funny. I haven’t felt very loved.

What have I said or done that could have possibly called for these individuals to pronounce these heavy verdicts on me? Oh, well, I have said things like:

• The Bible is not clear on the issue of homosexuality and those who affirm and are gay Christians are still none the less Christians (even if they turn out to be wrong)
• No one has a fully reliable interpretation of the Bible.

• I believe that God’s love is unconditionally lavished upon every human being and not an elect few.

• I question what many people mean when they say “salvation by faith alone apart from works” and think we may have misunderstood what “Faith” is and how it’s tied to loving our neighbor.

• I see validity in other views of the atonement beyond “penal substitution”.

• I am a Democrat.

• I have doubts and I ask questions freely and without fear.

Literally. This is the entire list of things I have said that have rendered me as a heretic. Because I have sometimes questioned the evangelical norm. Because I dared to think outside of the box. Because I may have differing opinions on some ideas than the majority of people in my community. These are the things that have apparently show me to be a non-Christian.

And hearing these people whom I love and agree with on almost every area of faith, theology, and practice condemn me to hell for eternity because I differed on these areas. It feels terrible. Frankly, it feels like crucifixion with words.

Not to over dramatize this. But it feels a bit like what happened to Jesus. Jesus was know to question the theological norms of his day. The leaders of his religious community all called him a heretic and eventually murdered him because of the message he preached. Jesus never gave straight answers. He was famous for his Socratic style of answering questions with questions. Jesus pushed the boundaries of his community. And it got him marginalized. It got him hated. It got him crucified.

Christ hung on a cross, looking down at the men and women who were supposed to love him. People who worshipped the same God as him, albeit very differently. He looked down on his best of friends who had scattered and left Jesus to hang naked and alone. All because he offered a differing opinion on the faith of his community. What a terrible scene.

Now, I am not saying that my experiences have been just like Jesus’. I am not trying to highlight some inherent nobility in me. I am simply saying that as of late, I have been gaining a deeper understanding of what it means to be crucified with Christ. To carry his cross. To follow his path. And to live through his spirit, through faith in him- the one who loved and gave himself for me.

It means getting ostracized. It means getting condemned.

The conversations. The slandering. The people who have said things behind my back about who I am and what I believe. It is really painful. Because I am a Christian. I believe in Jesus Christ. I affirm the Historic Creeds. But because of the areas that I do differ with some in my community, I have often been condemned. And not just by the community but apparently by the God of my community. The condemnation apparently isn’t temporal. It’s eternal. All because I dare to be honest. To ask the question and press the boundary.

The reaction I have receive has made me wonder what it must be like for those who are not in Christianity. If this is how we treat our very own people who disagree with us, how then do we treat the world around us? Certainly not with the love of God that caused the Creator of the Universe to leave heaven and come be with the broken, the sinner, the marginalized, the unclean, and the wicked.

Through all of this, I am not despairing. Though every time I face these situations I feel an immense amount of pain (and have been assured by many of my “heretic” friends that it never gets easier or feel any better), I am still filled with hope. Because at the end of the day, I trust in my God who loves me and gave himself for me. I submit to the Lordship of Jesus Christ. And I rest confidently in his love which casts away all of my fears of judgement and condemnation.

I have to believe that this reality is what kept Jesus strong through his pain. And it must be what has kept the long list of “heretics” that have forever changed the Church going too. People like Paul the Apostle, James, John, Augustine, Luther, Calvin, Zwingli, Pope John Paul II, Martin Luther King Jr, C.S. Lewis, and yes, even Rob Bell. All of which were “crucified” by the Church.

It is confidence in the grace of God, the love of Jesus, and the power of the Holy Spirit that keeps us from fear. It is the knowledge that we are loved, not based on the finer points of our theology and politics, but because we are children of God, made in his image, that keeps us sustained in these dark days. It is our longing and hoping for the day that Christ will appear and embrace us all- heretics and orthodox alike- as one bride, one Church, one family in him.

After all of these experiences over the past few years, I think I am finally beginning to understand what it means to walk in the way of Jesus. To follow in the footsteps of the greatest “heretic” ever to walk the earth. To be willing to ask the hard questions. To be bold enough to stand with the marginalized. To be brave enough to swallow my fear. To rely enough on the love of my Father to know that my eternity does not hang in the balance based on my theology but rather based upon his mercy and love for me. I know that I don’t know most of the answers. And neither does anyone else. But that’s okay. Because it not our rightness or wrongness that matters. It’s God’s mercy and grace.

None of this makes being called a heretic any easier. It still hurts to be marginalized by those who are supposed to be your “brothers and sisters”. But I rest in the reality that God is big enough for us all. Even the “heretics”. I long for the day when we will all be one in Christ. But until then, the mission is simple- take up the cross, love God, love my neighbor and enemy, and press towards the goal. And I plan on doing just that.There will be stones thrown. There will be trials to stand. But God’s love is with me. It’s with you. He will strengthen us in his love.

So for those of us who are heretics for seeking to faithfully follow Jesus, may we carry on and know that we are not alone. Jesus is with us. And his words to us are simple- “Do not be afraid, for I have overcome the world.”

Press on.