Why You Mustn’t Live In The Land Of What Ifs

People who constantly stress about what-ifs are problematic because they typically go to a place of worry that is unproductive and relationally draining. Stressing about what might be different today if you had done something different yesterday is pointless. None of us can change anything about our past.

We can and should learn from our experiences, but we cannot alter anything about what happened. So, imagining a thousand “what ifs” is futile and fruitless.

• What if I hadn’t married that person?
• What if I hadn’t quit school?
• What if I hadn’t chosen that career?
• What if I hadn’t moved to this city?
• What if I hadn’t raised my kids with a narcissistic spouse?

And the list goes on and on.

Monkey Minds Are Madening!

I recently read an article that used the phrase “monkey mind,” which refers to the unhealthy habit of mentally hopping from one branch to another within seconds. Even though we can only live in the present, we hop back to the past or forward to the future too frequently rather than staying still (i.e., peaceful) in the present.

The writer said, “Your monkey mind wants to live in either the painful past or the anxious future. It doesn’t like to stay in or savor the present moment. This mental habit of ruminating over what has happened or what will happen can make life a miserable journey. Many people are unable to control their mental (monkey) chatter and continue to suffer. But there’s hope if you can learn to tame your mind to stay in the present moment.”

Don’t Be A Morgan!

Morgan (not her real name) was an intelligent and well-educated woman. Like most of us, she’d made some mistakes and been burned by a man who was once her mentor. But Morgan lived in the land of “what if?” and had high blood pressure and an ulcer to prove it.

I could never figure out whether it was a control issue or fear that drove her to question everything. But Morgan was overwhelmed with nagging doubts and a boatload of yeah-buts and what-ifs whenever she faced a major decision. And then, when she finally made a choice, she second-guessed herself into a frenzy. I can’t count the number of times I heard her say, “What if I made the wrong choice?”

Like a broken record, I would repeat the same thing to her. The only thing you can truly do anything about is this moment. Right now. And you can’t successfully move forward if you always look behind you and worry about what might happen tomorrow because of yesterday’s choices.

Leo Tolstoy said, “Remember that there is only one important time, and it is now. The present moment is the only time over which we have dominion.”

A Secret . . .

Let me give you the secret: What is happening now matters more than what is behind you because, though the past impacts your present and future, you can’t change your history. What’s done is done.

In nearly four decades of leading and helping people, I’ve seen hundreds fixate on their past get stuck, crash, and burn. They live consumed by a tragic realm of regrets in the land of what-ifs.

I’m not saying your history is unimportant or that what you did yesterday doesn’t matter. As stated, we should learn from our past if we hope to avoid similar errors in the future.

But too many people try to move forward while staring in the rearview mirror, and that’s not wise or helpful. Mirrors are good, but if you drive too much while looking back, you’ll end up in the ditch.

Furthermore . . .

What’s more, “what if” people are not only troubled about the unchangeable past but also by fear, doubt, and worry about the future.

• What if the economy crashes?
• What if my spouse dies?
• What if my health fails?

And again, the list goes on and on.

I’ll go on the record because Jesus said nothing good ever comes from worry. 

“Worrying does not do any good; who here can claim to add even an hour to his life by worrying? So do not worry about tomorrow. Let tomorrow worry about itself. Living faithfully is a large enough task for today” Matthew 6:27, 34 (NIV).

So, if getting desperately consumed by looking back isn’t good and fretting over what might happen isn’t helpful either, how should we live?

Live in the Now!

Live in the now. Live in this moment. Live to do whatever you can, wherever you can, to make this minute count. Right now. Right here. That’s all you can control, and that’s why now matters most. I love what John C. Preiss wrote, “We must live in the present moment. If we evaluate our own lives, we can probably see the many moments lost by not living in the present moment.”

Rather than what if and second guess everything, trust God, whose specialty is redemption, restoration, and renewal. Learn to practice the art of being fully present today. And surrender your fears to the One who loves you more than His own life. He will never let you down. Never.

Remember the secret to living this way: focus on what matters most—now.

What will you do with this moment?

This is the day that the LORD has made;

let us rejoice and be glad in it.

Psalm 118:24, ESV

You can find out more about Kurt Bubna and his writing on Twitter and Facebook. You can read more about his views and insights, both in his books and on his website.