Ponder Anew
As a Christian, there is no separating commercial Christmas from the meaning of the Advent/Christmas/Epiphany cycle. Linus’s epic proclamation rings true in my ears: Jesus is what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown. And as a church musician, the music of the season can be more of a drudgery than anything.
“Do I really have to play this sappy wintry crap again?”
“No, I don’t want to hear the Pentatonix album.”
“Good grief, if they have to play It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year, why in the world would they play Amy Grant when Andy Williams is available?”
Even the church’s traditional carols get on my nerves.
“Ugh, Angels We Have Heard on High is the absolute worst carol of all time.”
“Why can’t anyone sing Silent Night without a steady ritardando stretched out over all four stanzas? We’re never going to get to go home!”
Suffice it to say, I have to keep this attitude in check for the most part. Music CAN be one of the bright lights of the season, pointing the way to the Great Light lit in Bethlehem so many years ago. And all the sappy, sentimental, non-jesusy stuff is just part of the deal. For all the seasonal songs I dislike, there are a few that make me want to throw an epic holly-and-ivy tantrum when they’re lumped in with the para-Christian Christmas canon.
Here are a
Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah”
Maybe it’s the polarizing juxtaposition of the sacred and profane; the Hebrew Bible imagery. Maybe it’s the irresistible swing of the twelve-to-the-bar compound meter. One thing’s for sure: people really love Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah.”
I swear, if I hear this one more time on all-Christmas-all-the-time muzak, in Christmas concerts, or on holiday albums…
It’s also not a Christian song in any sense of the word, so stop asking for it to be done in worship.
I swear, if I hear one more request for this to be done in worship…
Oh, and if you’re a person of faith, you’d have to be a real freaking narcissist to have this song sung at your funeral. And you’d be admitting some sobering truth about yourself. The whole thing is just another anthem to utter human futility.
I swear, if I hear one more request for this to be done at a funeral…
Moving on.
My Favorite Things
It’s a great song, but it’s not about Christmas, or even winter weather. If you recall the context from the Rodgers and Hammerstein classic “The Sound of Music,” this song is used by a bad nun/good nanny to cheer up small children who were scared by a thunderstorm.
But at Christmastime? That is not one of my favorite things.
Hard Candy Christmas
Context, y’all.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ejGUyJSjGGI
White Winter Hymnal
I mean, does anything sound like faith, family, and freezing fun like this fantastic lyric?
All swaddled in their coats
With scarves of red tied ’round their throats
To keep their little heads
From fallin’ in the snow
And I turned ’round and there you go
And, Michael, you would fall
And turn the white snow red as strawberries
In the summertime.
Last Christmas
Last December 25, I made a declaration of love for this person, who promptly spurned me. This year, I must again find someone, this time more deserving, to whom I can give my affection. Because I have commitment issues. And probably some Christmas-related parental trauma.
It might be time to see a therapist, not sing a stupid song.
What are the Christmas songs you hate? Which ones can you not stand to be lumped in with Christmas?
Photo:
Flickr, creative commons 2.0
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