With all our recent news about COVID 19 and all the absolutely stupid things being said and done in Quiverfull over it I’ve neglected to look at our usual gang of suspects. Larry Solomon of Biblical Gender Roles obviously does not have enough to do because he’s been filling his blog with information on how to control your wife without her controlling you. Like a huge mountain of bull excrement it’s piled high.

One of the worst pieces involves what Larry alleges are the three things he thinks women use to manipulate their husbands, sexual refusal, threats of divorce, threats of suicide. A couple of things Larry does not seem to realize. Men can use those exact same threats to control a woman in a marriage, it’s not necessarily gendered. I’ve seen that knife cut both ways.

But the biggest glaring sign Larry misses is that these are the actions of desperation, these are words slung by those beaten down that feel completely powerless and belittled and bullied in their marriages. A way of reclaiming personal power.

“Sexual denial, threats of divorce and threats of suicide. These are the three primary ways that wives use to manipulate and gain complete power over their husbands and their homes. The first way which works with the majority of men is sexual denial. Women use sex as a reward system. If the husband follows his wife’s wishes in whatever she wants to do in the home she will give him sex as a reward for his submission to her. At the slightest resistance of the husband to anything the wife wishes, she will turn off the sexual tap.

But for some men, the attempts of their wives to manipulate them with sex does not work. But rather it reinforces their resolve with their wives. These men might even engage in disciplinary tactics like taking away credit cards, access to the bank or canceling date nights or other things the wife wants. So, then the wife moves on to her next method of control. The threat of divorce. And for many women, it is not just a threat, but indeed it is a promise.”

Please do not threaten your husband with these things, but do not settle for any man abusive enough to cut off money. That is financial abuse, and a valid reason for a divorce. Courts tend to frown upon men that pull these petty shenanigans. A man that will deny support is just one short step from verbal abuse and escalating to the physical. It’s a dire warning sign.

Then Larry goes on to share the email he got from a man, much of which is gratuitous whining about how these steps played out in his marriage. This jumps out. And get this, he provoked his wife after many years of keeping the peace over her disagreements with him. He. Caused. This!

“My pastor had prepared me for that threat. I told her “Go ahead. If you want to see me married to another woman and raising your children with her and only seeing them every other week go for it. Because trust me, I will mortgage this house and burn through every savings and investment we have to make sure I get full joint custody of our kids with equal parenting time.” She stormed out without saying another word.”

This, my friends, goes well beyond the usual financial abuse these guys heap on their wives of cutting off all access to money. This is the point she should have packed the kids and left, gone immediately to a divorce attorney to ask that the courts freeze all marital assets. Larry, my friend, does not understand that the courts frown on men who pull this nonsense.

She moved on to threatening suicide and the husband folded faster than Superman on laundry day. But now he wants Larry to tell him what to do.

I dislike 99.99% of Larry’s advice, but for a change he manages to stumble upon the right answer here, if for the wrong reasons, and it’s one that the stupid husband missed. It’s what you must do when a spouse starts threatening suicide. Get them help. Real help.

“So here is my advice for dealing with your wife’s threats of suicide whenever you attempt to exercise your God given and God commanded authority over her. You do the same thing as if she had a true mental health disorder and had suicidal tendencies. You take her to the ER of a hospital in your area where they have a mental ward. You explain to the nurses that your wife is threatening suicide.”

Right thing, wrong reasons. Larry suggests this as a means for the doctor, the nurces and the world to tell the wife she has to stop threatening suicide and leave the marriage instead of demand change. Is that supposed to be a threat? It sure does not sound like one from here. From what I know about these situations any shrink worth his salt is going to point out that cutting off access to money is abuse, spousal abuse, financial abuse, and a slippery slope to more abuse. She will be leaned upon to leave, and protect herself and her children, which is not a bad thing.

Everything, literally everything Larry is speaking about here is spousal abuse, how to inflict it on your wife. His blog is nothing more than a “how to” abuse manual. Not surprising since Larry has spoken several times on his blog about using his wife’s pain pill prescription as a means to control her.

Suicide threats should always be taken seriously, no matter who is saying them. While there seems to be evidence that those that say them the most and the loudest aren’t always serious about following through on the act you cannot take a chance!

Women in this subculture exhibit a level of pain and desperation not always seen in the outside world and it looks and feels like their only option. That is so tragic and unnecessary. Add in this pandemic, the lack of financial security, everyone home and the desperation grows.

If you feel suicidal and hopeless Hopeline is just a phone call away – 800.273.8255

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