You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love. For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.
Winning the war of words involves choosing our words carefully. It is not just about words we say, but also about the words we choose not to say. Winning the war is about being prepared to say the right thing at the right moment, exercising self-control. It is refusing to let our talk be driven by passion and personal desire but communicating instead with God’s purposes in view. It is exercising the faith necessary to be part of what God is doing at that moment.
Friends are the family we choose. How true. As I sat amongst a group of women sharing their most pressing prayer requests for the coming week, I noticed a familiar theme. Each of the women present asked for prayer for dealing kindly and lovingly with a relative with whom they found it difficult to communicate. I realized that virtually everyone (at least everyone I know) has that someone who challenges them (their patience, their perseverance) in more ways than one.
Everyone has a “someone”
For one gal her “someone” was her mom who just never has a positive comment about anything. Another woman’s “someone” is her mother in law who has never accepted her son’s marriage to my lovely friend. Still another woman’s “someone” is her son who even as an adult continues to take financial advantage of my friend and her husband’s generosity. This “someone” list can go on and on and on. If we’re honest, we all have a “someone” and God wants us to learn how to handle this prickly relationship with grace and love (by honoring our “someone” above ourselves).
Adjust your expectations of others
As we made notes of our particular prayer requests for the week, the conversation naturally took a turn towards the importance of adjusting our relational expectations…for good. Meaning – for the good of the relationship and for good (once and for all). We’d like to think that as we grow older each of has learned how to get along with others in a way that exhibits humility, grace, and puts others’ welfare above our own. That sentiment, while ever hopeful, is not realistic in our broken, sinful world. We cannot change others hoping to conform them (or coerce them) into the people we believe they should become.
Take stock of your own attitudes first
Instead, first our task is to take stock of our own attitudes and actions and hold both up to the mirror of close examination against Christ’s standard to “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Once we honestly assess where we fall short (and we all will), we ask God for creative ways to exhibit Jesus’ love in the lives of those we find challenging to love. An effective and necessary shortcut toward accepting (and loving) our personal “someone” is to accept the truth that we cannot change this person (change is God’s territory). What we can (and must do) is adjust our relational expectations for good by looking for ways to offer blessing even when curses are likely to be found.
Never let hope for change die
One of the hardest aspects to adjusting our relational expectations is to accept the truth that there will be relationship issues that may never be resolved. We can do our best to make amends, build a bridge of effective communication, and serve our “someone” in love but never experience the breakthrough we hope and pray will happen. At this disappointing juncture, we all have a choice to make. Will we continue to press through our discouragement over not seeing change or will we give up?
Again, Paul is direct in his commands to the Galatian church. He tells them to value their freedom as Christ followers, not to indulge themselves, but to humbly serve others. He exhorts his fellow believers to, “Love your neighbor as yourself,” which fulfills all the commands. Each of us has to cast a vision for our particular “someone” by seeing what God is wanting for him in view of eternity. Our words need to reflect God’s mission – which is to win their hearts. Our actions need to reflect Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross. Rather than feeling continually disappointed, we must turn our eyes from ourselves and look intently at what God is trying to accomplish in the moment-by-moment, day-by-day interactions. Think – revelation, redemption, and restoration. Cast off those unrealistic relational expectations for good. For the sake of the relationship…and once and for all.
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