Sexual Fulfillment in Marriage: Get Creative

Let me start by being as up-front about this as I can: God created sex for pleasure in life-long enjoyment in marriage. God is the one who created sex. God created our genitals. So when you are enjoying the best sex of your life, you need to thank God.

When we’re having sex, the devil wants us to believe that God is up in heaven looking down and thinking, “Hey, cut that out.” Sure, it’s okay to have two or three kids and get it over with early in the marriage, but after that we all need to settle down, right?

Wrong. God created sex, and He loves to see His children enjoying it. God is a God of pleasure. The word eden means pleasure and delight, and it’s no mistake that it’s the name of the paradise where God placed Adam and Eve, together. We have to believe that God wants us to be sexually fulfilled. Read a chapter or two of Song of Solomon if you need convincing.

I’ve been in counseling situations with couples who carry around a lot of sex-related guilt. Sometimes they feel guilty because they are uncomfortable having sex in the first place. Sometimes they feel guilty because one partner or another feels they’re not doing it enough. Sometimes they even feel ashamed because there are certain things they want to do—let’s call them “creative activities”—but they aren’t sure whether God allows it or not.

This is what I tell them: if you are not committing one of the sins that the Bible says not to commit, then my advice is to let loose and have fun. But here are a few guidelines.

First, is it consensual? It needs to be. Both of you need to agree on what you do sexually. Never exert something on your partner unless both of you are okay with it.

Second, is it safe? Obviously it needs to be safe. Third, does it enhance your relationship? Because sex ought to deepen your love and appreciation for each other. It ought to draw you together. Not just physically, but in all other ways as well.

So, if it doesn’t violate Scripture and if it is consensual, safe, and relationship-enhancing, then go for it. Sex should be fun. You ought to look forward to it, which means creativity isn’t just allowed—it’s necessary in some cases, so you don’t get stuck in a rut.

The important thing to remember is that God is not a big “fuddy duddy.” He created sex. He gave us some parameters to protect us, but those parameters were to increase our enjoyment, not to keep us from having fun.

Creative expression of sexuality is healthy. It can make your relationship more fulfilling, more dynamic, and much more enjoyable.