Cute I know, I know, I keep going back to this word. It’s because I truly have a love/hate with it. There was a time when it was all hate. People would say I was “cute”. They would say my posts were “cute”. My outfits were “cute”. And I would roll my eyes. Wait… not out loud. I would never roll them for someone to see. Inside. Rolling my eyes on the inside. Cuz it wouldn’t be “cute” to do... Read more
The need for certainty. This is what messed with my head. Still does sometimes. Not near as often as it used to. Growing up believing I needed to be certain. Sure of my faith. Believing without doubt. Unshakeable. Unmoved. The wise man builds his house upon the rock. Not being blown by every little wind. Maybe weak in my flesh, but never weak in my beliefs. That was all well and good. Until isn’t wasn’t. When I stayed on the... Read more
Values. Everyone has them. Each person, their own set. Changing throughout our lives. Depending on the season we are in. So, my counselor asked me to name mine. Not just off the top of my head. She wants me to really think about it. Write about it. Talk about it. Come up with a list. 5 – 12 values. Less than five? Not enough. More than twenty or so? Too many. Condense my thoughts. Make a list. Draw upon my... Read more
I’m not leaving the faith. I never have been. It’s actually the opposite. You could say I am diving deeper. My whole life I’ve been frolicking in the shallow. Staying near the water’s edge. My eyes on the shore. Horrified of what may be out there in those deep waters. Just deep enough to have little waves rolling in over my ankles. Maybe even up to my knees. But definitely not deep enough where I can’t see what might be... Read more
A world of contradiction. Thinking back to the church debacle of 2008. Maybe that’s a strong word. Only a couple hundred people even went to this church. But, for our family? D.E.B.A.C.L.E. Let me say this up front. Reconciliation has happened between all parties. Mistakes were made on all sides. And more than any one person? I blame the system. Or lack there of. We had such hope going in. Moved our family to the big city of Columbus, Ohio.... Read more
Grown up kids. Who would have thought? Just yesterday they were in my arms. Depending on me. Little faces looking up at me while I rocked them. Hours of rocking and singing. Singing and rocking. Who would fall asleep first? Them or me? “Go to sleep, oh go to sleep my little Layna” Over and over. The eyes get heavy. Her little head gets sweaty. She relaxes into a deep sleep. Beautiful little Layna. And the same for our other... Read more
I’ve been told I’m brave for being vulnerable. To be honest, I look at it as me just being truthful, more than vulnerable. Living truthfully is a whole lot easier than keeping secrets. Pretending is hard work. Looking good on the outside while slowing dying on this inside? Well, it just is not worth it to me. If I put on a show for everyone, I will have to keep up the facade in order for anyone to like me.... Read more
I have to admit, Sundays have not been easy for most of my life. When I was little, I remember my dad coming in to wake me up for church. “Whoop-tee-do! Whoop-tee-do! Time to get up and go to Sunday school!” While tickling me, of course. “Daaaad!!!! Stop it!” “Moooommm!!! Tell Dad to leave me alone!” Mom would tell him to stop. He would not. I would be so mad. Turns out, laughing while angry is a thing. This was... Read more
The problem with my weight has never actually my weight. It’s how I’ve perceived my weight. It’s how I’ve looked at my body. It’s what I’ve see when I glance in the mirror. Immediate yuk. All the flaws. The thoughts just flood in. The judgment is harsh. And my mood tanks. I’ve learned recently that there are lots of people who won’t even look in the mirror. I do look. And I judge. Ugh. But, can I tell you something?... Read more
I’ve been thinking lately about getting a tattoo. Not that I’m going to. But if I did… what would I get? The other day, I looked up “clouds with the sun coming out of them”. Dealing with anxiety/depression feels a whole lot like this. The clouds come. Sometimes they hover. They stay longer than we want them too. The storms brew. The rain falls. And then they pass. And the whole time? Up above those clouds? The sun shines. The... Read more
Karen Ruth Shock
Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In