We are the Same (Kelly Edmiston)

We Are The Same, by Kelly Edmiston

My two year old daughter loves to dress like me. Like many toddler girls do, she comes in my bedroom almost every morning when I am getting ready. She loves to pretend to be me as she tries on all of my jewelry and clothes and shoes. She also pretends to put on my make-up. Carefully mimicking my behavior, she fumbles with the lipstick and brushes the powder all over her little face. Recently, I found a mother/daughter dress sale and I bought us matching dresses. I will never forget bringing her downstairs to give it to her. She was still warm when I reached over to lift her little body out of bed. At just two years old, she snuggled into me, cheek to cheek, and for a good long while we stood like that, next to her bed, swaying back and forth. “I missed you,” I tenderly whispered to her as I kissed her cheeks. Then I quietly whispered to her, “I have a surprise for you. Want to see it?” Her eyes lit up with mischievous joy, “Yes!” She exclaimed. So we tip-toed downstairs, careful not to wake her brothers, and I gently and slowly unwrapped our new dresses that I found at the dress sale. I told her, “Look! Mommy has one and you have one.” They were exactly the same dress, one an adult size and one a 2-year old size. She was elated, jumping up and down. She tried urgently and clumsily to get her dress on as fast as she could while I slipped mine on. Once mine was on, I helped her. And then we stood together, hand in hand, in front of the large full length mirror in my bedroom. She was beaming from ear to ear. It was as if she discovered the most coveted treasure. And we marveled at each other. She showed me the flowers on her dress and pointed to the flowers on mine. She found her pockets and then put her tiny hands in my pockets. Yes, they were in the same place. She twirled in her dress and waited for me to twirl in mine. Then she took a deep breath before she lunged at me, wrapped her arms around my neck, and her legs around my waist, in a full body embrace, and she whispered in my ear, “We are the same.”

“We are the same” has become a spiritual mantra for me these past couple of years, a sacred utterance.

This mantra is more than just a spiritual mantra. It is of critical importance in the conversation regarding “the role of women” in the church. I am referring specifically to evangelical churches in the west who hold to a complementarian theology that restricts the role of women based on a “God-ordained” hierarchy in which men lead and women submit to that leadership. Another word for this is patriarchy.

The word patriarchy comes from the Greek word “pater,” which means “father,” and “archein,” which means “rule.” It is a way of organizing the world that gives authority to men and fathers. For example, in complementarian theology, women are “permitted” to serve or to lead under the authority of a man.

Patriarchy is the reason that women are kept out of pulpits, why women are still silenced in the face of abuse, why the #metoo movement went viral, and why women are continually kept in their “rightful” submissive place in both the home and the church. For the purposes of this article, I am furthermore pointing out that patriarchy has kept women from identifying with God from their own experience. In short, it has denied women their rightful image-bearing capacity from which to exclaim to God, “we are the same.”

A symbol, or image, of something is an imperfect picture of a reality. God is not a man or a woman. God is not gendered. God does not have a biology, God is a Spirit. Any image or symbol (I will use the words interchangeable) for describing God will be inadequate. Symbols point to realities beyond themselves. Consider an image of a person in a picture frame. The image tells us something about the reality of the person, but the image is not the person.

The Genesis account is clear that God created both man and woman in God’s image (Genesis 1:27). Therefore, both man and woman are to be seen as symbols that point to God. Why then, do we find ourselves so offended at God being represented in female form? I have been called a heretic, un-biblical and divisive for referring to God as a Mother, a Nursing Mother or a Woman, even though these images are in the scriptures (Hosea 11:3-4, Hosea 13:8, Deuteronomy 32:11-12, Isaiah 66:13, Isaiah 49:15, Isaiah 42:14, Psalm 131:2, Psalm 123:2-3, Matthew 23:37, Luke 13:34, Luke 15:8-10). However, I am less interested in making a “biblical” case for utilizing female images of God (that is pretty simple, actually) than I am in connecting the significance of utilizing female images for God to the liberation of women today.

Using exclusively male images has reinforced patriarchy.

Elizabeth Johnson says it like this,

“The symbol of God functions. Language about God in female images not only challenges the literal mindedness that has clung to male images in inherited God-talk; it not only questions their dominance in discourse about holy mystery…such speech calls into question the prevailing structures of patriarchy.”[1]

If patriarchy is reinforced in using exclusively male images for God, then using female images to speak about God calls into question the prevailing structures of that patriarchy.

Patriarchy is called into question when we allow a woman searching for a lost coin to be included in the images used to understand who God is.

Patriarchy is called into question when we allow the image of a protective Mother to be welcomed into our understanding of who God is.

How would praying to “Mother God” change the conversation about whether or not a woman preaches in the assembly, and in what context, and who is permitted to be there, etc.

When the experiences of women are welcomed and utilized as resources for understanding God, then women become a part of the life of God instead of something outside of it. They become representatives of God instead of peripheral issues to be solved. Suddenly the external “women’s issues” in our churches becomes internal, speaking to the very Mystery of who God is.

My hope is that, as the system of patriarchy continues to be deconstructed, both men and women will begin to lunge towards God and intimately exclaim, “We are the same.”

[1] Elizabeth Johnson, Quest for the Living God.

[1] Elizabeth Johnson, Quest for the Living God.