It happened at a church basketball team lock-in. Coach Mills had made us shower one at a time while he sat and watched us. It didn’t feel strange because there was only one shower in the gym for us to use. What was strange was the way he looked at us. Another kid Joey was on the basketball team too. Before we went to bed, Joey said to me, “That was weird.” Read more
When abuse is your first memory, it colors who you are. I was molested when I was a preschooler, and it has rippled through my life ever since. The “predator” was a 17-year-old kid who lived across the street. And knew my family well. Abuse happens. It is scary and horrific and life changing, and we victims are all terrified it will happen to our children the way it happened to us. But we have to be honest about where abuse happens. It is so very very rarely a stranger in a public restroom. Read more
I love the stories of a mogul who’s purchased a private island in a remote part of the ocean. Doesn’t it sound wonderful? I imagine the money and freedom to hop in a plane and spend a few days away from the busyness and pressures of “real life.” Sitting on white sandy beaches, sipping pina coladas, a server refilling my glass. It sounds amazing. Pornography used to call me away just like that. Read more
Living with mental illness colors everything in life. It is often extremely stressful and exhausting. Sometimes living with mental illness means wondering what it would be like to be happy--to be free. It’s hoping for someone to hear you say, I’m okay,” but squeeze you tight and call your bluff. You long to be happy, but life with mental illness is a constant inner voice that whispers, “You don’t deserve happiness." Mental illness has a million different faces, but this is my experience. Read more
My buddy Morgan Guyton has written a new book, How Jesus Saves the World from Us: 12 Antidotes to Toxic Christianity. Morgan is the director of the NOLA Wesley Foundation, the United Methodist campus ministry at Tulane and Loyola University in New Orleans. He also blogs regularly on Mercy Not Sacrifice. Morgan and I have become friends through our writing and sharing struggles. I can tell you this: Morgan is the real deal. A stand-up guy, a smart Christian, and so transparent in his own faith and humanity. Here's what Morgan says about How Jesus Saves the World from Us: "Christianity has always been about being saved. But today what Christians need saving from most is the toxic understanding of salvation we've received through bad theology. The loudest voices in Christianity today sound exactly like the religious authorities who crucified Jesus." I was fortunate enough to have the chance to ask Morgan a few questions. Read more
And sinners plunged beneath that flood Lose all their guilty stains. William Cowper, 1772 I was an adult before I realized God’s grace could be found in places other than creaky wooden prayer benches in dimly lit church sanctuaries. Several years ago, I was in the middle of The Great Smoky Mountains National Park for a weeklong interpreting assignment. When I say in the middle, I am not exaggerating. We stayed at an educational science lab, deep in the woods.... Read more
This talk on discouragement, disappointment, and depression is the very best teaching on mental health I have EVER heard from a local church. Read more
My frustration was boiling, but in my gut, I knew I must have been hacked. I called the bank and of course, “Please continue to hold. We value your patience. Someone will be with you in 15-20 minutes.” The bank is about two miles away, but I had to have some answers… and some money. Long story short, I was right. Hacked for the second time since October. There’s not much in life that is a bigger inconvenience. Plus, I hate that feeling of being violated. These are the days when it’s most difficult to extend grace. When I’m driving back to work, tight-chested, stressed to the max and hungry. I knew I wouldn’t make it back in time for a midday meal and low blood sugar is my worst enemy. But this is stress. This is not anxiety. Read more
When I shared glimpses of my darkness, well-meaning Christians said things they didn’t understand. Choose joy turned into snap out of it in my head, and I couldn’t force that. Believe me, I’d tried. There, at that stoplight, I felt the gray and weight and cloud pressing. I don’t remember my specific pleas, or if I said anything at all. What I do remember are the sweetest words, clearer than anything I’ve heard whispered in my heart. Read more
Ben was born September 22. When he was placed in my arms the first time, I experienced love and joy at a deeply sacred level. But during our hospital stay, a suffocating sadness started creeping in. On the car ride home, I sat in the backseat and wept uncontrollably. This was not the “baby blues” people speak of. Instead, paranoia piled on top of sadness and the two dealt me crushing blows. I really thought this stage would pass quickly, but it didn't. Read more
Grace is Messy
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