I have been wanting to share my faith journey for a while now. I think it is just an ordinary story of following along and then falling into faith. Our journey begins when we are born. It is shaped first by family and then by education and friends. Despite what other people may encourage or force upon you, your faith is something that resides in you. It is yours. You ultimately decide how it grows, when it grows and if it grows.
My relationship with church and faith evolved over time. There were good times and bad times. There still are. Remembering that church is run by man and faith is God, helps me to continue my faith and allow it to grow every day. This is my story, so far. It is not finished. I am not finished.
Early Religious Experiences
Growing up, we went to church, well, seasonally. I grew up on an Arabian horse farm. The horses were bred and shown. This took precedence over everything else. Horses were my mother’s passion and my father supported her. We went to church every Sunday, unless there were horse shows. Horse shows have a season just like sports. It is more correct to say that we attended church seasonally. Church attendance was based on available time rather than deep faith.
We did receive religious education. Every one of us was Baptized and received our First Communion. I think maybe my maternal grandparents saw to that. Possibly my older sister was Confirmed, but still not sure. I do know that we were in a different school district than our church when we moved to the farm. Our school was small and moved to split shifts for different levels of grades, so we could no longer attend religious education classes.
We prayed at holiday meal gatherings like Thanksgiving and Christmas, but prayer was not part of everyday life. I think deep down I knew religion and faith was important, but we didn’t live it. All of us who married were married in the church. It was expected.
Navigating Faith as an Adult
After marriage came children. We weren’t attending church. My husband was Baptist and I was Catholic. Religion was not talked about much beforehand because it wasn’t important. Afterall, neither of us was practicing our faith. Then I got pregnant! Oh, what joy! She will also become the first grandchild. We knew she had to be Baptized. It was expected. We joined a Catholic church and got that little girl Baptized! We had to attend a class first, but I think it was just something we had to do.
The second child came and he was a colicky baby! He always cried. I tried to attend church. People glared at me when my little boy cried. I felt embarrassed. I still picture my eighth grade Biology teacher turning around to glare at me. He might not have recognized me, but I knew him. I took my son and we went to the cry room. There, kids played and parents talked. The sound was brought into the room, but it was extremely hard to hear, focus and participate. I thought, “I might as well not even be here.” So I left. I did not return until baby number three needed to be Baptized. All three of our children were baptized in that church. I was determined that they get a good religious education. I wanted them to make their First Communions, too.
In order to sign our kids up for religious education, we needed to have a meeting with the pastor regarding our tithing. That is the first and only Catholic church that I have been to that had that policy. Let me tell you, that man knew how to talk about money. By talk, I mean ask for it or demand it. They had a minimum required tithing amount to be able to enroll a child in religious education. That left a really bad taste in my mouth. I did have the option to teach to receive a discount, so I did that. All three of our children received their First Communions there.
Turning Point: Teaching Faith Formation
Volunteering as a faith formation teacher for a tuition discount was a life changer. I volunteered again when we moved and attended different churches. Remember that my own religious education was cut short. I believe that to be a good teacher I need to know what I was teaching. That included religion. I didn’t just read the chapter I was to teach ahead of time. I learned. When kids asked questions and I didn’t know the answer, I was honest about it. Then I found out and shared the answer.
Life is a faith journey. It provides opportunities to grow. One way to grow is to become educated. This is something we have the power to do on our own. We just need to embrace it and ask for help when needed. As an adult, I encountered some beautiful role models during my journey. I was encouraged to learn, grow and was offered help when I needed it. This led to my decision to receive the Sacrament of Confirmation as an adult. After all, I believed in my faith and was beginning to live it out.
The Sacrament of Confirmation is when a Baptized person is sealed with the gift of the Holy Spirit and strengthened for service to the Body of Christ. Choosing this as an adult was a big deal. It was a statement of faith. I have since felt a deep connection with the Holy Spirit.
Finding a Church Family and Spiritual Growth
We found our true church family in Lapeer, Michigan. This church was very welcoming. Of course I volunteered to teach religious education. I also got a job working in the church office and eventually did some marketing for their Catholic school as well. The people became like family. I got very involved in religious education, women’s ministry and joined the prayer team. I even prayed with people during Masses of Healing.
It was a special time where my kids were involved (sometimes even voluntarily!). My husband, who was Baptist, was interested in learning more about Catholicism. It was easy for him to have conversations with the Pastor and ask questions. He would ask me questions and if I didn’t know the answer, I would ask the office manager. She would tell me how and where to find it and instruct me to do so. This reminds me of Matthew 4:19, “He said to them, “Come after me, and I will make you fishers of men.” (usccb.org) This helped me continue my faith journey.
While at this church, I was gifted with a silent retreat. It was only for a weekend, but I didn’t think I could do it. It was difficult at first, but I embraced all of the activities. Being alone with God, I prayed. I had conversations with Him. It was very hard at first. I needed to read or pray to fill the void of silence in my head. By the end of the weekend, I was able to sit and listen for God’s voice.
Behind the Scenes: Working in the Church
Due to personal circumstances, we moved to Texas. I landed a job in internal audit for the Archdiocese. I searched for a home church and ways to plug into my faith. During my employment, I truly realized the humanity of priests and church leaders. I moved on from there to being the Business Administrator for a $2 million dollar a year church. I worked there through three pastors, all of varying talents. Some helped me grow my faith, others gave cause to question it. I witnessed how a non-pastoral pastor affects church employees and the congregation. With a shortage of priests, some are placed in the position of pastor when their talents do not align for that. It is often forgotten that we are taught “Go, therefore, and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, until the end of the age.” (Matthew 28:19-20, usccb.org)
This saddens me, but also helps me to understand the definite disconnect between what people expect from the church and what true worship is. When the shepherd is not living by example, the flock often becomes lost. The good news is, we can hold on to Jesus and ask for the Holy Spirit to guide us. That is one of the reasons behind my mission to help 0people understand, embrace and aim who God created them to be. Myself included.
Faith Beyond the Institution
Many people denounce organized religion. I do not believe that organized religion is a bad thing. There are, however, bad people in organized religion. It does provide community as God intended. It feeds our faith and spiritual growth. I have learned to not rely on man, but do lean on him. Pastors, church leaders, evangelists and regular lay people all offer gifts to help us grow in faith. It is up to us to discern, through prayer, what is right.
I am still growing in my faith. Continuing to have struggles, especially in sharing publicly, I am finding my way with the help of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit and people placed in my path. I have learned to meet people where they are, that Mass is for worship and how to develop a deeper relationship with God.
Seek faith and not just in routine, but in personal conviction. Take time to learn, pray and put your faith into practice. You are not alone. You are human, as am I. Continue your faith journey with hope!
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