If you think you understand it, it is not God.ย ย Soren Kierkegaard
In Marilynne Robinsonโs Pulitzer Prize winning novelย Gilead, Reverend John Ames (one of my top five favorite characters in all of fiction) frequently expresses doubt concerning his faith, something unexpected in a Congregational minister, at least in some circles. In the middle of the novel, Ames spends a few pages considering doubt and uncertainty in oneโs faith within the context of challenges from non-believers to โproveโ that God exists. Concerning such challenges, Ames reflects that
I must have told them a thousand times that unbelief is possible . . . And they want me to defend religion, and they want me to give them โproofs.โ I just wonโt do it. It only confirms them in their skepticism. Because nothing true can be said about God from a posture of defense.
I teach philosophy for a living. When philosophy and faith/religion intersect, that intersection is often framed in terms of โproofs for the existence of Godโโmany Philosophy of Religion courses are organized entirely around such rational proofs. Over my almost thirty years as a professor, Iโve come to think that Amesโ attitude about such proofs is exactly right.
There is always an inadequacy in argument about ultimate things . . . So my advice is thisโdonโt look for proofs. Donโt bother with them at all. They are never sufficient to the question, and theyโre always a little impertinent, I think, because they claim for God a place within our conceptual grasp.
I had the opportunity last year to be the speaker at the first of four Tuesday Lenten โComing to Faithโ gatherings at the Episcopal church I attend. People in attendance know me well; several of them are regular participants in an adult-education seminar that I lead once a month after the 10:00 Sunday morning service. I spent thirty minutes giving what, in the Baptist world I grew up in, would have been described as a โtestimony,โ an account of โwhat God has done for me lately.โ
In my case, itโs a story that begins with my living in a conservative, evangelical Protestant atmosphere from the moment I was born, a story that continues today, sixty-four years later, still under the Christian tent, but in a much different place and closer to the edge of the tent than where I started. I enjoy hearing other people describe how they became the person of faith they are today (or perhaps no longer are), so I also enjoyed following a few threads of my own journey with friends and fellow journeyers. I write about this all the time on this blog, but it was a bit of a challenge to condense this coherently.
And thatโs not surprising, because a personโs faith journey is no more reducible to bullet points or sound bites than the presumed goal of that journey, relationship with what is greater than us. I framed the second half of my talk around a question a good friend asked me almost thirty years ago. I was a newly-minted PhD in philosophy; she also knew me to be (or at least trying to be) a person of Christian faith. โVance, how can you be a philosopher and Christian at the same time?โ she asked.
I donโt recall how I answered herโIโm sure it was entirely inadequate to the seriousness of her question, perhaps even a bit dismissive (as newly-minted PhDโs can be). But her question has haunted me in a productive way ever since. I am an academic and a college professor; I am also seeking to be a follower of Jesus. Can this be done without cheating on one side or the other? If thereโs any one theme that is central to the almost eight years of this blog, it is contained in my friendโs question from thirty years ago. How do my intellect and my faith, my brain and my heart, work together to create me?
During the Q & A after my presentation, someone asked โHow would you answer your friendโs question if she was here today?โ After a momentโs reflection, I said I would respond that โI am the answer to your question. I am Exhibit A that one can be a Christian and a philosopher at the same time.โ And I donโt intend that in a hubristic or prideful way. I mean to say that the only way to answer such questions is with an observed lifeโno logical argument will ever get close to a satisfactory response. As Reverend Ames says, proofs โare never sufficientโ to such questions.
I followed my response with a claim that I make often on this blogโthe best proof for the existence of God is a changed life. I was in one place, I find myself many decades later in a very different place, and the only coherent account I can give of how I evolved or journeyed from there to here involves God. Sometimes in opposition, sometimes in apparent solitude and silence, frequently doubtful, often hopeful, never certain, but always involving something greater than me.
Iโm currently serving as an outside reader and evaluator on a manuscript that a colleague and scholar in an area of philosophical expertise that I share has submitted to a major academic publishing house for review and possible publication. In a middle chapter of the manuscript, the author quotes Hebrews 11:1, a text that I often use in class as the jumping off point for a discussion of the nature of faith: โFaith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.โ
The author of the manuscript points out that to develop a discussion of faith, the author of Hebrews does not follow this verse with further arguments and definitions. Instead, the author turns to familiar examples of what faithful people did in this world. Abel, Enoch, Noah, Abraham, Sarah, Isaac, Jacob, Joseph, Moses, and moreโfaith is understood by seeing what it looks like in action, not by proofs and arguments. According to the author of Hebrews, the existence of what is not of this world is seen in what men and women do in this world. As Simone Weil wrote, โEarthly things are the criterion of spiritual things.โ
If I have learned anything about faith in my more than six decades, it is that, as a living thing, faith is not reducible to the categories of argument, proof, or (sometimes) even logic. I recently read something in Robert Harrisโ novelย Conclaveย this morning that resonates strongly with this. The cardinal appointed to give the homily at the mass just before a conclave to select a new pope shocks many in attendance when he describes his hopes for the new pontiff:
One sin I have come to fear more than any other is certainty. Certainty is the great enemy of unity. Certainty is the great enemy of tolerance . . . Our faith is a living thing preciselyย becauseย it walks hand in hand with doubt. If there was only certainty, and if there was no doubt, there would be no mystery, and therefore no need for faith. Let us pray that the Lord will grant us a Pope who doubts, who sins and asks forgiveness, and then moves on.
Certainty without doubt has been the argumentative gold standard for centuries in logical arguments, and such arguments have their placeโbut not in the life of faith. A lived example is far more convincing.