I taught a training this morning with some employees who do front-line, angry-customers-in-their faces kind of work. We played around with Reactive Brain and Creative Brain, how to tell one from the other. I advocated to this women-only crowd the radical notion that they prioritize taking care of their own bodies, which were clearly paying the price for living in the ongoing stress response that is Reactive Brain. I wonder–how did we get to a place of subtracting the body... Read more
A beloved BC3 member, Dr Dee Cooper, led us through a “God and the Triangle” evening last week that I found to be provocative and fascinating. (The “Triangle” refers to Stephen Karpman’s 1968 formulation that humans get stuck when we find ourselves somewhere in the zone of Victim, Rescuer, or Persecutor. If you’re interested, you can find a lot more information about it in my book, The Relationship Ride: A Usable, Unusual, Transformative Guide.) Dee’s point was that our traditional way... Read more
(This is a letter to the editor I just sent off. The title of the article is “America is Winning–and Why” and the cover shows a man pulling open his suitcoat and shirt and exposing the Superman “S”) I just took the 5/7 issue out of my mailbox and saw –SUPERMAN! Is this as far as we’ve come? We’re WINNING!? Winners/losers, the conquered and the vanquished, the hero and the villain (which inevitably requires a victim)-are these REALLY our only... Read more
There’s a high school in Walla Walla Washington that has discovered a new disciplinary approach, and has seen its numbers of suspensions drop by 85%. (See this link for the whole story.) The approach is revolutionary, radical even. Here’s how it goes: A student rages at a teacher, yelling obscenities. Then the teacher responds: “Wow. Are you OK? This doesn’t sound like you. What’s going on?” He gets even more specific: “You really looked stressed. On a scale of 1-10,... Read more
Awhile back I read someone’s opinion (backed up by his research) that people aren’t more creative in groups. He suggested that, if companies are wanting to get their money’s worth out of an employee, they’d be better off having the employee hang out by him or herself in the office. This was one of those references that I didn’t imagine going back to. I figured I’d just disregard it, so I can’t link you to the person who wrote it.... Read more
I’ve been seeing a young client who has become devastated by his inability to be happy, to uplift himself and those around him. To carry the light. Instead, he has recently found himself face-to-face with his own darkness. So today I’ve been thinking quite a lot about that what those two poles, the light and the dark, really are about. I, myself, love to write, read, hear about what is inspirational. It’s the uplifting ideas I’m drawn to, the ones... Read more
I work with lots of folks who have been traumatized in one way or another. (Trauma is actually extremely common; from the “big T” traumas of going to war, being assaulted, or being in a natural disaster, to the “little t” traumas of the first day of kindergarten, pretty much everyone can say they have some history of trauma.) One outcome of trauma can be what is known as “hypervigilance,” the perpetual placing of one’s attention outside of oneself to... Read more
(Earlier today, a beloved member of the Intensive Learning Community here at the BC3 posted about her grief and despair about global warming. We’ve had no precipitation at all in the Boulder/Denver area, during March, generally the snowiest month, and there are still wildfires burning. This is what I posted back to her.) I’ve been musing about this all day. Here are some thoughts: When our species goes into Reactive Brain, a bunch of things happen: –We see other as... Read more
I rode my bike home tonight. It was dark outside, and I was in my shirtsleeves–in March! The evening air felt exhilarating, and I stood up on my peddles to totally enjoy the ride. As I rode along, I mused about all of the exchanges I’d had during the day. My hours were filled with interactions that were fun, co-creative, fascinating, inspiring, frustrating, challenging, disconnecting, comforting, community-building, hysterically funny, scary, fulfilling…and…and…rich. All very rich. I am a wealthy woman. I... Read more
Katie Hendricks just spent the weekend here in Boulder, spreading her wisdom to the BC3 and beyond. I’m fascinated and grateful that, even after 17 years of learning from Katie, whenever I’m with her I discover the next profound idea that takes me to a new place in my life. This time she said this: “As humans, our challenge is no longer the threats we’re defending against. It’s how we’re defending against life.” I’ve rolled that around for the past... Read more
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