The One About When God Serenaded Me with a Violin

Read: I want to know it’s going to be successful, that it will all work out.  I want to feel like you, God are telling me to do it.  I want for you to sky-write it.  Or, better yet, cement-write it.  That would be cool…and reveal your glory all the more.  Because it’s all about you.  And me.  It’s about me wanting you to write stuff in cement for me.

~

Lately, as I’ve been thinking about my little book project, I’ve been afraid of some recent good news.  About three weeks ago, an Editor at a publishing house asked me to send on my proposal when it was ready.  This felt significant.  Even though nothing is set in stone about that one teensy email, I felt that my labor to establish a writing career is bearing fruit.

When I mentioned this to a writerly friend, she offered to help in any way but also to let her know when I’m ready to send a proposal in which she would recommend me to her agent, who, by the by, is a great agent, a well known agent.  An agent who secured my writerly friend a two-book deal.  Two.  And the next day, I got offered to write a paid article for an online magazine, which also felt significant and affirming.  I felt terrified.  Naturally.

On Sunday morning I walked into Church and muttered under my breath -without thinking much and quite out of the blue- “Lord, if only you would call me to this project.  Give me some reassurance amidst the catastrophic uncertainty that is the publishing industry!  I want to feel called to it, ya know, like a real job.”

And then like any other Sunday,  I sat down.  I  didn’t think much about my weighty concerns until half way through the worship set when Ariel came up to me.  “I believe God wants me to play a prayer over you with my violin.”  When Ariel, who is one of the best violin players in the country, asks to play a prayer over you, you do it!

And right there in the back of our Church, she played, and I stood next to her expectant.  And then I prayed.  And then I asked God to speak to me.  I bowed my head, and then I looked up to watch again.   How beautiful it is to watch Ariel play her violin!  Stunning, really.

Here’s the thing, I have always loved watching people master string instruments.  When I see a live orchestra I try to sit as closely as possible so I can watch the beauty and precision as these tools  make such glorious ear-candy.  It’s my favorite.  The two people who know I love watching string instruments being played are my husband & God.  And now, you.

That morning I had a closer-than-a front-row-$250 seat to one of my favorites  So.  I couldn’t help but wonder:  is the Lord serenading me?

Yes, the Lord was serenading me with that violin.  And I was filled with love.

The Lord was serenading me with that violin, preparing my heart for what was next.

Look at Ariel use her art so freely, so generously.  Watch her play pray.  “I’ll just play as the Spirit leads,” she says.  And it’s breath taking, and flows perfectly with the worship set happening in the other room.  And I found myself praying, “Lord, let me use my art so freely, so generously.”

I can use my art freely and generously.  I do use my art freely and generously.  And I felt the Lord leading my thoughts in that direction…”use your art freely.”

I sat down full of peace and joy.  Immediately following Church I saw Rod from my Writer’s group up front praying.  I asked him to pray for me, for confirmation of what I believed I’d heard.   Pretty soon, LeEllen came over & joined in too.

I’m not ready yet to tell you all the lovely words that passed between that listening circle of three, but what I am ready to say is that they were *exactly* for me.  Words of affirmation, of pleasure and promises of joy and hope not just for a dream casually checked off my  “BHAG (big, hairy, audacious goals) Dream List,” but hope that God will use my freely given art to bring joy and hope to others.  Hope that my words will bring rescue to those who have suffered under the same burdens I once did.

And even bigger than that, LeEllen said this book will be “a gift to me and my family.”  I have worried myself into a frenzy sometimes not wanting my writerly dreams or my book to be something that takes away from or burdens my family.  I have prayed (and prayed and prayed) my book will be a thing of joy for this Biskie household.  Bam.  It was said.  Addressed.  And so much more.

Later that night, I told my friend Marla about this.  “Oh, well I’m glad you know this because I’ve never had a doubt in my mind that you are called to write that book.”

Fantastic.  Well, at least Marla knew.

~

Ever since I saw Akeelah & the Bee I resonated deeply with the poem by Marianne Williamson Akeelah read aloud.  And it rings so true for me: I m deeply afraid of success, and like most people I hit a limit when too much attention is given to me.  I feel that same level of shrinking back, “playing small” as the poem goes…

…because I am not inadequate, as I once believed I was.

As I move forward with this project I pray I will be liberated from enough fear to use my art freely & generously in a way that liberates you from your fears.  Just as Ariel played to and for God’s glory, I pray you & I will do the same.

Through our freely given dreams, God can serenade many.

Do you have a God honoring dream that you feel redonkulously scared to begin but a strong sense you should?  Are you in the middle of one right now?  How can I pray for you as you face your own set of deep fears?