My big project this year was finishing the Grimoire of the Crane book. It was quite the undertaking as writing a book always is. This becomes more so when you are fitting decades of work into a cohesive framework, with tools and exercises, for others to build their own practices from.
This article isn’t about the book though, it is about what happens after an undertaking like that. When we have completed the task and the transformations within ourselves due to the completion.
From Silence to Feeding a Bond
This book was part of my work for The Mother, my Goddess. Part of our exchange – She guides and teaches, I share it and my experiences through it, “leaving a trail for others” as She puts it. Not to follow me, but to take their own journey, make their own discoveries, and go through their own transformations.
I get in my head though, especially when nearing the end of a project, because as I write, new elements and deeper understandings surface. This is because what I am writing is not static, it is a place to start. The depth and knowledge is not done, because I am still living it and expanding upon it. The more I get in my head though, the slower my progress becomes.
The last couple of months of the project I got way into my head. My Goddess does not coddle me in these moments, She gets stern. I get that because it is what I personally need to get me in gear. However She went a little extreme this time. She wasn’t silent but She also wasn’t going to allow me to do anything else until it was done. Every conversation was “Get it done.” Even my other spirits and ancestors were following suit with this method. It was beyond frustrating but it produced the results we all wanted.
In the aftermath though, once the book was done, all the editing completed, and then released into the world – a strangeness started to rise. It was a mix of celebration for the work accomplished but also a stillness that all projects tend to produce once completed. The workaholic / creative monster inside me starts to look for the next project – but the silence this time isn’t leading to creative thought, it is leading me home.
I was never disconnected from my practice or my Goddess, but our interactions and work was very different through all of this. Now is a time of reconnecting to the roots of all of it, to the roots of us.
13 Days of a Mantra
From the time of releasing the book into the world and the next New Moon, is 13 days. I am taking these 13 days to focus my energy and feed the bond between me and The Mother of Souls. I say feed because I am not fixing anything, nothing is wrong with our bond, but like all relationships and threads of connection, they need to be fed to keep them healthy and strong. It is also a way to recenter myself into my path with Her.
I have a string of mala beads made of turquoise and in the shape of little skulls. It is a tool I use in many ways, including magical practice and Bond work. I am using them here to be the counter for my mantra.
Every day for 13 days I am lighting a candle, saying a prayer to The Mother, and then chanting the mantra that is feeding energy into the bond between us. In this state I can see and feel that bond, like an energy rope between us, with different strands weaving around each other, each one a part of the larger tapestry we have built together over the years. I can see the different faces and forms of Her that have led me to the core of Her. I see the forms of myself, the faces of me in this path with Her.
The Prayer:
Mother of Souls, Goddess of Death and Rebirth,
May this prayer feed our Bond.
I am your Tower and I am your Weaver,
I am your Voice and I am your Witness,
I am your Vessel and I am your Seneschal.
We are two made one.
The Mantra:
Ya-gah Umtoo – Odeem Elbane – Chay Jota – Exsu, Exsu, Exsu
My Other Spirits
Through this process I am also taking time to feed my other spirits – my servitors, the land spirits I work with here, my Ancestral Soul and ancestors. I am lighting the candles for all of them signaling that I am once again open for our work together. Again, not like I was cut off but also not fully available due to the project.
After every Transformation there is a Rebirth. This is one way to signal to all of them that the time of Rebirth and living in the work is again the focus.
It is also a way to signal to my brain that we are shifting back to focusing on the senses of the Soul, the Unseen worlds, and that it is time for that side to be at the forefront.
A New Rhythm
Over the course of this time I am also finding my new rhythm. I am not who I was, or where I was, when I started that project. I grew through the process, just like any other journey. This is a time to recognize and honor that, as well as, feeling where I am now.
There is new work ahead, going deeper into a few areas: Soul Runes, Moon work, Well work, and surprisingly, a new form of the pentagram. These were things my Goddess revealed as we got towards the end. Not time to move yet, but a glimpse of what is coming. This time of finding the new rhythm, my center, must come first, so I am not focusing on any of this now.
I think this “after” part of transformation doesn’t get talked about enough. Too often I see people jump from an ending to a beginning without this middle part. You have changed through your journey though. Even small changes can create big changes in your energy, in how you move and what you move into next. If I tried to go back to the same practices, the same ways of connecting, the same bonds without adjusting for those self-changes I will fail. It would not be authentic, it may feel stale, not as powerful, or create a break in it all together.
It is why I am feeding a bond instead of using the word reconnecting – there was no break in it, nothing to fix, but I need to feed it the person I am now. I need to feed that new energy signature into my bonds, owning it as me. For me this is important and I have seen the differences when I haven’t.
Take the time after a transformation to re-center yourself. To feel those changes in you and in your energy. Acknowledge and share them in your bonds.
It doesn’t mean you can’t use the same practices or tools – I have used the mala technique and chanting in bond work since the beginning. My tool and structure doesn’t change – it is how and why I am using it that does. For example: The chant always changes because the spirit and I are in a different place or stage now. We are working on something different – thus the work must be reflected in the words. The Prayer and Mantra I shared above is all about owning where I am now and what my roles are. Moving that energy through all my bonds, because it is the whole of me now.
Celebrating
I am probably the worst at this myself – but I will always say “Celebrate all your wins, big and small.” I honor them, but celebrating feels like it should be more ecstatic, joyful, and fun. I am a little work-horse, it is in my nature to be creating and pushing boundaries, so what I find “fun” (researching, experimenting, etc) is not the right kind of “fun” for this. So I am trying to slow down, be present in the present, and figuring out what this kind of “fun” looks like for me.
No matter what it looks like for you though, celebrating your transformation is so important. Not just from a pat-on-the-back way, but in a way that also solidifies that shift of energy into your brain and body. The same as I feed the bond this new energy, I am feeding and doing the last shift in my brain and body to own it.
All of these things have been shifting throughout the journey, it is not like a big shift out of no-where, this is more like rooting in the final product. Owning all of it in every way.
The opening of the Crane Grimoire I feel is fitting for this article:
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