Love Letter 3

Dear Z,

How can one little boy bring so much light and life into the world? It’s like I held you and I knew that the love of God had connected us somewhere deep. You’re little tiny body squirmed a bit but you knew, you knew I loved you and I do. I love you enough to let you scream at me because life can be difficult and so much is outside your control. How are you to know that? I love you enough that I changed diapers . . . again (I thought I was done with that). But I guess you’re always willing to do it for someone you love. Your joy radiates the creative Spirit of God every day. That’s the only way to describe it. There’s something connected about it that’s different, gorgeous as your Abba would say. Rampant, unbridled, exuberant, (the word was important enough to me that I tried every spelling until finally Word told me I got it right), joy. It comes from somewhere deep and I love that about you. It’s the same way your cries come from that deep place. Can you believe it I even love it when you cry – even those obnoxious, I want something now cries because it’s like you trust me to give you what you need even when you’re not getting what you want. The world tends to revolve around you these days; that’s as it should be for a little boy first exploring the world – seeing monkeys, watching a snake eat an egg – the intensity of your expression is inspiring. So much wonder at something so natural. But you know how I know that I really love you? Each time I see you my heart just explodes with joy, frustrations, hurts, pains, loss, all fade away as you run into my arms and I want to give you all of me – even if it does mean playing that game where we fell in the water 200 times in one day. I want you to have all of me. The more you grow perhaps the less you’ll need; independence is like that, but you’ll always have my heart, you’ll always have my desire to see you thrive and offer what is really you – not what others plan for you – to the world. But for now I can’t wait to see you smile when you kick a ball and run, or learn to move your body with confidence and control for the energy that is you will shine in all of it and I love you for it. I’ll be cheering from wherever I am and you are because I love you.

Love

Saba