It's Your Future: Astrology with Matthew Currie
The air is filled with a terrifying sound and everyone runs for cover. Did you fail to make the proper sacrifice at the Temple, or did you burn the pan-seared scallops? Either way, you’ve incurred the wrath of a powerful being who’s had millions of followers over the years. Zeus is the all-father of the Greek Mythos, and Gordon Ramsay is the all-father of an impressive array of TV shows and restaurants. Let’s line them up side by side and see which one would be more dangerous to annoy…
1. Who had worse issues with older male authority figures?
Zeus challenged his father Cronus to become King Of The Gods, after Cronus attempted to eat Zeus as a newborn. Gordon Ramsay claims his father was abusive, and Gordon’s father-in-law hacked Ramsay’s computer after Ramsay fired him from running business operations at Ramsay’s restaurants. Zeus exiled Cronus to Tartarus, and Gordon left home and won the lawsuit against his father in law.
ADVANTAGE: Zeus.
2. Who expresses their wrath in the most intimidating way?
Zeus expresses his anger by throwing lightning bolts at those who don’t worship him enough. Gordon Ramsay throws under-cooked Beef Wellingtons at contestants who screw up the dinner service.
ADVANTAGE: Zeus.
3. Who had the mightiest battles?
Zeus battled the Titans to gain control of the world, and then the monsters Typhon and Echidna. Gordon Ramsay battled in court (and in the court of public opinion with Jaimie Oliver and Anthony Bourdain) over the rights to the name “The Spotted Pig,” also sued a business partner over distributing a line of cookware for Kmart, and has faced various lawsuits involving other business ventures.
ADVANTAGE: Gordon Ramsay. Fighting Titans and monsters is one thing, but have you ever been in a major lawsuit?
4. Who has terrorized the most people?
Zeus expresses himself through thunderstorms, frightening thousands of people at a time. Gordon Ramsay berates one chef at a time, but does it to them in front of an audience of millions.
ADVANTAGE: Gordon Ramsay.
TIEBREAKER: Who is the worse husband/mate?
Gordon Ramsay’s first job as a chef was at the Wroxton House Hotel, until had an affair with the boss’s wife, and it is claimed he cheated on his wife with “professional mistress” Sarah Symonds. Zeus was married to Metis until he swallowed her. Then he married Themis, then Eurynome, then tried to get it on with his sister Demeter, then married Mnemosyne before settling in with Hera — pausing here and there to have affairs with Dione, Semele, Leda, Io, Europa, and a boy named Ganymede.
WINNER: Zeus.
Zeus moves on to the semi-finals against the Maori war god Tūmatauenga, and Gordon Ramsay’s new show “The F-Word” debuts May 31st on Fox.
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