Not long ago I was presenting some of my research at a national summit for relationship educators. This incredible and dedicated group included those who work with and support marriages every day in cities around the country. They are doing amazing and often challenging work. And yet I sensed an undercurrent of discouragement about the state of marriage today – an undercurrent I hear from both leaders and average men and women in churches, on airplanes, and in official focus groups.
As most of you know, I have spent a lot of time debunking some of the most damaging, hope-sucking myths about the divorce rate (no, the overall divorce rate is not 50%, and no, the rate of divorce is not the same in the church, and so on). You can see The Good News About Marriage or search my recent articles on that topic, so I won’t revisit it here.
Instead, I want to investigate a completely different theme that I hear when people sound discouraged about marriage: the decline in rates of marriage and the rise in cohabitation.
Now those concerns overall are real; the data shows both trends are going the wrong direction. And given the crucial power of marriage for human flourishing, I think anything that hurts marriage is something to take seriously and address as robustly as possible.
But I also think our perspective is a bit skewed.
For a moment, think about the demographic of couples 25-34 years old who are living together. If I were to ask you to guess, what percentage do you think are cohabiting rather than married?
Take a moment to consider that question, and then read on for several truths that put the “state of marriage” problem in perspective.
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