American Buddhist Perspectives
I don’t know why, but sometimes movies, even movies I don’t really like much, have this powerful effect on me. I just watched “The Fountain” and was never pulled into the movie in the way that I was with “Pan’s Labyrinth” and “Big Fish” (both movies dealing with very similar themes of death, fantasy, and acceptance). Each of those movies left a rock in my heart too heavy to lift. I suppose I would throw in “Life is Beautiful” as well while I’m at it.
“The Fountain” is perhaps much more like “Big Fish” in that it is not historically placed and instead focuses on one man’s struggle with the impending death of a loved one (in this case his wife).
What is it that these films do to us? Is it that they each say, “look at your life. Right now. See the inexpressible beauty of it all. Stop fighting.”
I also hear, “look at who you are. Look at what is important, truly, deeply.” And Joseph Campbell‘s words, “follow your bliss,” rise in my mind in a soft whisper.
The characters in all of these films represent something amazing to us, the ability at some point to stop kicking and screaming, to accept and love the world and life just as it is.
Where am I? On the spectrum from utter struggle to open acceptance, where is my heart from moment to moment? It’s an amazing question, and every time I ask it I come back to Buddhism. I return to the bliss of my last long retreat, far, far too long ago, to the many good conversations with friends and students and teachers, and to the meditation cushion.
I also see my struggles: How do I give Ana what she needs from 7000 miles away? How do I relax when she tells me there is nothing to do? What (the hell) should I do with my summer? Is this 2nd MA just an ego trip, pulling me away from my bliss? Should I give it up and turn my mind fully toward London, toward that Ph.D., and toward my deepening my practice? Should I kick back, relax, be rowdy, and drink late the boys?
So much of me says, “drop the MA, drop (most, if not all, of) the late nights. Your bliss is Buddhism, you need to practice for anything you’ve learned to sink in. You need this to help people. As much as the philosophy might help, it’s not connected to your heart any more. Even though your head can do it – you can finish all of this work – your heart will wither and London will become more a burden on a weary heart than a gateway to one’s bliss.”
And yet, there is that little fellow on my other shoulder. He urges me to do it all and have it all, “party at night, work in the morning, write, exercise, take a hike, and party again!” And who can argue with that?
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